Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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