the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
