5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
