3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
