the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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