You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
