Porn is love you can see.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
