I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
