yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
