i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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