Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Boobs speak an international language.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
