I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
