party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
