So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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