Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
two words...techno handjob
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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