I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
two words...techno handjob
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
