My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
