i don't like sucking hair
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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