guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
