took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
