Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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