I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
