I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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