i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
