Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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