evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
