Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
