I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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