I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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