I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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