Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
