she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
