i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
