I have demons in me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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