Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
