Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
