I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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