i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
