I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
