Heybabeimwearingurpanties
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
