She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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