Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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