I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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