ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
