The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
