Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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