So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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