I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
