Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
