Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
