There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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